Growing

"Sometimes you have to let somethings small go, to let something better grow"

I am an honest believer in learning from mistakes, and growing from situations that you come out of feeling indifferent about.

Sometimes in life you find a hobby, or a new passion, or maybe even another person, that makes you change. Not in a way that is detrimental to society, if that's happening, grow a backbone and some balls and tell them to beat it. I'm talking about growing out of your old fears and sorrow, and trying to face the day with a new attitude and approach on life. Maybe you have been screwed over in every relationship you have had, the same way, over and over again, and you feel like, in your next relationship, it will all be the same, so what's the use, and especially, what's the point? All I'm saying is I KNOW. If you've ever had something to this extent distract you from your potential and make you fear for the same old shit to happen, then you know how hard it is to just let the past slip away from your mind. It's hard to grow from your old ways, your old mistakes, your old vices, and your old sorrows. Even now, many moons since the times that have broken my heart again and again, I can feel my heart break again, and swell like a fresh wound. When I think about how blind I made myself to the truth, and the belief I bestowed in people who turned on me, I feel like I will never find a decent person on this planet.

The only thing I ask for in a relationship costs nothing, hurts in no way, and means more to me than any material item. Loyalty and truth. I honestly don't think that is too much to ask for. If someone was loyal to me and honest and told me the truth about everything, but never gave my a gift or spoiled me, I would be the happiest girl on the planet, because I've never had the pleasure of being with someone who treated me like that, and that's all I've ever wanted. I'm not one of those prissy girls who prances around and needs high-end fashion or a present every time we see each other. I'm not one of those girls without a spine, who will just feed into everything and not say anything when things bother me. I'm definitely not perfect, either. I don't know how I would define myself in the accordance to some girl-rating barometer.

Maybe it's time for me closely follow my premonitions, until they are proven 100%, and pick and choose my battles more wisely. It's just difficult when I deal something I've dealt with before, and knowing how it turned out, and not excepting the same to happen.